Sometimes, you need a massage. Just a good, muscle-untwisting massage. So what do you do. Book yourself into a spa? One of those dimly-lit, incense-infused ones with the unisex slippers, cucumber facials and Enya music?

But what if you don’t want to bump into your mates with your professionally smooth, shiny forehead? Most guys would rather avoid all the fuss. To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never had any kind of facial, for example. No part of me has been eoliated, or steamed, like a large piece of broccoli. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be. Secretly men all want pampering but we don’t want to be witnessed with our loofahs.

Lusso, relentless in its pursuit of luxury, has discovered a solution in the form of USPAAH, London’s new mobile, unisex spa service. High-end and on-demand (the therapists will get to you within the hour), a couple of app-taps later and a ‘Spaahrista’ will be at your door armed with massage table, oils and an expert touch. The app’s geolocation and live availability system matches clients with professionals in real time, a bit like Uber but without the endless lawsuits.

Lusso tested it out last week, and was mightily impressed. The therapist was punctual, professional, and most importantly, good. If you live or work in central London and have neither the time nor the inclination to trek to a fancy salon to ‘open your pores’, USPAAH means you can tranquillise within the privacy of your own home and still make it out to the pub in time to get yourself retoxified.

It’s also handy to know that they offer a full range of beauty treatments for that forgotten anniversary quick-fix. She need never know you were just browsing the menu to pick your own pedicure. We’ve really got into this spa lifestyle…

Get the app for free in iTunes (requires iOS 8.0 or later) or visit for more information.