170 Galleries will again be battling it out to flog contemporary works of art by living artists (if you’re not breathing, you don’t get in) to a host of collectors, curators and celebrities all hell-bent on trying to predict Saatchi’s next move. From humble beginnings the show has grown into the art world’s foremost international gallery-go-round.

Deutsche Bank and Cartier sponsorship have given it credibility, the former presumably in the hope that its employees will be more discreet with their five-figure bonuses, but watch out for site-specific works especially commissioned for this year’s event. And I mean watch out, as these works are themed around ‘Performativity’, which the OED hasn’t yet got around to defining, but the promotional blurb makes worrying noises about ‘spontaneous performances’ and warns that a level of involvement from visitors is mandatory. Whether this means being bisected by chainsaw and submerged in a glass tank of preservative, or becoming an artefact in Cartier Award Winner, Simon Fujiwara’s exhibition Frozen; another fantastical city of lovies, this one thankfully dead, has been discovered beneath the circus and will be ‘excavated’ live during the 5 days of the show. Pre-event hype that Dandy in the Underworld, Sebastian Horsley, will be dug up and then turfed out under the no breathing rule has been strenuously denied. You’ll find me in the champagne bar. Unfishable.