The greatest hotel in Paris. Enough said.

Fa-Raon stalks the corridors of his palace, adored by heiresses, exotic beauties and well-groomed children alike. With such a vast abode, the aloof master of the house often goes unseen for days – not that folks worry of course, for he is the master of this kingdom and thus he shall bloody well do as he pleases. It might be worth noting at this point that Fa-Raon is of the feline persuasion and that his empire is none other than arguably the finest hotel in all of Paris – Le Bristol.

The haute couture-lined Faubourg St Honore in Paris’ 8eme is home to this fine specimen and has been since its opening back in the roaring twenties. It was named after the Count of Bristol, a chap after our own hearts who was both British and somewhat infatuated with the finer things in life. Should the hotel’s unicorn-clad coat of arms fail to forewarn you of the charming and downright enchanting world held within, you might well be taken aback upon entering. A classic hotel by all accounts (you’ll find nowt garish or tacky within) these lot certainly don’t do things by halves. Their smart doormen and charming reception staff will greet you cheerily by name as you enter, handing across your door key – the kind you’d expect in a palace; large, gold, and holding all kinds of promises. The grand lobby is akin to a ballroom, with steps leading down to a generous scattering of plush armchairs, impressive chandeliers, a sole white Birman cat and beautiful antiquities backed by walls adorned with rich tapestries. Some would call Le Bristol the epitome of quintessential French luxury. They would be quite right to do so.

Palaces are of course for royalty, and royalty – both actual and Hollywood – have been gracing the hotel for almost a century now; with past guests including the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Ava Gardner, Rita Hayworth, Grace Kelly and Charlie Chaplin. A presumably banana-clad Josephine Baker even celebrated ‘50 years in showbusiness’ here in 1975 with guests including Mick Jagger and Sofia Loren, resulting in what was widely remembered as a ‘memorable night’. Oh, if the walls of Le Bristol could talk… With an accent. Nowadays, one can expect to reside alongside Angelina Jolie, Woody Allen (who used the hotel as a location in his recent Carla Bruni-cameo starring Midnight In Paris), almost everybody in the fashion industry and apparently the sporting world too, as I would come to discover.

Informed by the wonderful reception staff that “something special” had been arranged for us, we were shown (in a beautiful old glass-doored lift no less) to the top floor and taken to our temporary home. A new addition, the Suite Lune de Miel aka The Honeymoon Suite, suited myself and my starry-eyed man-friend quite nicely thank you very much. Any overly-superstitious Chinese guests might have felt completely overcome with luck at the mere sight of the door to Room 888. Completely un-suspicious, we still felt pretty lucky. It was the views that did it. With multiple south-facing balconies, we had an incredible panoramic view of the city. Over to the West, the gothic towers of Notre Dame loomed over the neat lines of beautiful architecture. Looking East; the Eiffel Tower stood tall and proud during the day before sparkling like a diamond each night, whilst the great glass roofs of the Grand Palais across from the hotel were topped perfectly with a tricolour.

The décor for each individual room is picked out personally by Maja Oetker, matriarch of the German dynasty that own the hotel. It is classic, charming and obviously luxurious – all antiques and polished wooden floors. According to the paparazzi lining the street outside, our neighbours in The Imperial Suite were the Beckhams. And, although we had hoped to cross paths with David in the corridor or casually breaststroke past a Spice Girl in the pool (and even considered the potential of strolling up and knocking on their big, shiny door) it just wasn’t meant to be. On further investigation, it became apparent that daddy Beckham has made Le Bristol his home after his recent transfer to Paris St Germain, where he will give all of his earnings to a local children’s charity but presumably claim excessive living expenses. Definitely worth it though… and we thought the Beckhams had no taste!

Talking of taste – oh putain, the food! Le Bristol’s three Michelin star Epicure restaurant is something quite remarkable. Overlooking the garden, Epicure is perfect any kind of day, boasting Head Chef and gastronomic wonder, Eric Frechon. As part of a major renovation totalling over €100m, the hotel’s second restaurant – Le 114 Faubourg – is a stylish luxury brasserie that has just been honoured with its first Michelin star. The best room in the house however, has to be The Bar at Le Bristol. Designed by Pierre-Yves Rochon and, naturally, Mme Oetker, the bar is pure opulence. Guarded by a peacock and thick, silk curtains, the bar is just perfect. With exotic wood panelling, a Versailles oak parquet floor and a 19th century marble fireplace from Sienna, the vibe is dark, moody and fabulous. Maxime Hoerth, Head Barman and ‘Best Craftsman in France’ charms guests and proves his craft to be quite delicious. At night, a discrete DJ plays and the room comfortably fills with both guests and the movers and shakers of the city that can afford such luxurious cocktails.

We couldn’t recommend Paris’ premier palace hotel highly enough. Five stars. Four Michelin stars. A location that would make Haussmann deeply proud… Bravo, Le Bristol. Bravo! You really are the cat’s meow!

112, rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré, 75008 Paris France. Tel: + 33 (0)1 53 43 43 00. For more info visit www.lebristolparis.com.